Farewell: Bettie Paige

Today is a gloomy, gloomy day.

The absolute Queen of Pin-ups, the Godmother of Cheesecake Modeling, the short-bang trendsetting and asfixiating beauty Bettie Paige is no longer alive.

She died this morning at a Los Angeles Hospital following a heart attack. She was 85 years old.

If I deeply mourned the loss of Cyd Charisse and Dorian Leigh earlier this year, my heart is aching and grieving the death of Bettie Page. Here are eight reasons why:

1. She is the first woman I researched when testing my own sensuality and sexuality. And I am sure she is the first woman modern day rockabilly girls and pinup followers look up to, when making the transition from cute to catty, from gloss to red lipstick, from flat hair to raven bangs, from sitting on a chair to posing on a chair and from experimenting soft porn to taking a liking for bondage.

2. She is one of the few people in her line of work who is able to disappear for nearly 30 years only to return as a cult classic, an inspiration to a much younger generation and a money-making genius. You see, in 1957, in the height of her career when most garages and male-oriented workplaces had a poster of Bettie hanging on a wall, she disappeared. She apparently suffered mental conditions, got married and divorced three times, lost all of her money and suddenly recovered from everything after becoming a born-again Christian.

3. Fact: She inspired the director of my all-time favorite Action movie to create the female protagonist with a Bettie Page look: Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.

4. Fact: She was photographed more times than Marilyn Monroe and Cindy Crawford, combined.

5. She and I share a high school memory: We were both voted "Most Likely To Succeed".

6. She was actually named in a scandalous investigation regarding elected officials involved with pornography.

7. She made some of her most popular and skimpy costumes and bikinis featured in pictures that have circled the world.

8. She was known to offer quotable quotes during interviews and conversations, including some of my favorites --

* "Being in the nude isn`t a disgrace unless you`re being promiscuous about it. After all, when God created Adam and Eve, they were stark naked. And in the Garden of Eden, God was probably naked as a jaybird too!"

* "I never kept up with the fashions. I believed in wearing what I thought looked good on me."

* "I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn`t trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn`t think of myself as liberated, and I don`t believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn`t know any other way to be, or any other way to live."

* "I never was the girl next door."

Rest in Peace, Bettie Page...

Cupcake Cravings

My deep and heartfelt apologies for being absent from this blog so long. I just got busy with several domestic matters here in Los Angeles and Las Vegas, where the Burlesque Show at the Treasure Island Hotel & Casino is irresistibly feathery, glittery, sparkly, sassy, sexy and fabulous, with a classic 1920's feel!

But as I return to the provocative pages of my recently abandoned blog, I decided there would be no better topic to discuss than--- cupcakes.

I recently learned about a new lingerie designer whose pieces are both delectable for the kitchen as they are extra sweet for the bedroom.

Her name is Emma Amies and she's the founder, designer and CEO of Cupcake Lingerie. She's from England and she's still in Fashion School -- but if her preliminary designs are this ruffly and the lingerie prints this girlie and flirty, then we have a winner! (Check out some of her designs pictured above). The best thing about Ms. Amies is that she uses only environmentally-friendly materials for her work!

Perhaps, we should buy a few lingerie sets and call our sexy photographer Jenni Lee Cupcakes (who is launching her own porn site) very soon. We (or you) should commission Jenni Lee Cupcakes (http://www.jlcupcakes.com/) to photograph us in cupcake lingerie, while eating a Cherry and cream cupcake baked in my very own kitchen while wearing the cutest, pink and black, lacy, high heel platform shoes featured in one of my favorite online shoe stores (http://www.pussycatshoes.com/) and also featured above.

Finally, to end the night on a cup-cakeish note, make sure to stock up on my favorite set of lip glosses all shaped like perfect little cupcakes of different flavors and lids, and sold at Urban Outfitters and all over the Internet (see them above) and once you pull out the cupcakes from the oven, in your pink and black heels, wearing cupcake lingerie and cupcake lip gloss, make sure our friend Jenni Lee Cupcakes is set in place so that when the door bell rings and your husband walks in with a long day's worth of lusty thoughts about you, she starts clicking her camera away as you and your lover make your way to the bedroom, cupcake tray in hand...

Mmmm...Creme Brulee Martini

If ever a fetish existed for a lady who already enjoys plenty of luxurious and sexy oddities, it has finally been discovered. On a recent night out in the town, near the beach, by the airport, my hottie and I decided to walk into a bar called the Sports Harbor (in Marina Del Rey). The bar is very nautical and woodsy --wooden pool tables, jukeboxes, tall wooden chairs a muggy carpet, old TV's, older folks: a genuine pirate ambiance. And as I sat down, listening to a delicious Lenny Kravitz classic and wondering what to order from the seemingly Whiskey-only options, the bartender glanced at me and said: "I know what you'll like". Ooooh, I thought.

So he conjured a few different liqueurs and pulled out a perfectly crisp and delicately fragile martini glass from that rugged, splinter-prone, dollar-bill bearing bar. He then poured the contents of the mix into the martini glass, whose rim had been coated with powdered sugar. I received it from him, took a sip...and Stupéfier! A brand new fetish in my life: The Creme Brulee Martini. If the little French dessert pleases you, then the drink is sure to provide orgasmic reactions of sorts. It's sweet on the lips, warm on the tongue and soft on the throat. It's absolutely heavenly and everything about it, gustable.

Try it at home:

Ingredients
1 ounce stoli vanilla vodka, chilled
1 ounce Kahlua
3 ounces half-and-half

Add ingredients to a cocktail shaker filled with ice; shake vigorously.

Strain into a chilled cocktail glass; garnish with a light sprinkle of sweetened cocoa powder.

Enjoy! Oh and don't forget to be next to the cutest guy in your life when you're done drinking your martini. He'll enjoy that.

Project Runway

Dreamy Dames!, there's no need to wait for the next episode of Project Runway 5 before we decide who's our favorite designer.

The most girly and bunny-esque designer is undoubtedly our adorable Kelli Martin (pictured above). She is creative and cool, she's fun and flirty. She loves details as much as we do and she's often inspired by Betsey Johnson and Thierry Mugler... wow, SWANKY! She went to fashion school in L.A. but applied her knowledge in her native Portland, Oregon where she has designed guitars, clothing and even opened her own shop called Black Market, a boutique that carries everything from Japanese frilly dresses to Gothic nylons for a mysterious and seductive night. We wish Kelli the sweetest of luck and believe in her abilities to create the most vintage inspired, jaunty burlesque and modish pin-up dresses a network fashion show has ever seen... just observe her grocery store creation where she used bleached vacuum bags that created a green, marbleized skirt, thumbtacks that took care of the waistline, coffee filters as the chest decor and not shown is the notebook spiral that closed the back of the dress and other perky details.

Good Luck Ms. Kelli Chic. We enjoy your Oeuvre d'art!

Farewell: Dorian Leigh

Once the photo shoot was over, this picture became one of Dorian Leigh's most popular images. There she was: a slender Texas girl in New York with a light complexion and short hair.
But as she stood in front of the camera -- what the lens captured was unequivocal -- a statuesque dame with uncanny elegance, a mystical gentlewoman with striking blue eyes and a demoiselle who simply helped shape the Golden Age of Haute Couture, attractively.
Unfortunately, for the world, Ms Dorian Leigh is no longer alive. She passed away at a Virginia nursing home at the age of 91 on Monday, July 7.
We adore Dorian because in the middle of her fame and excessive salary ($300,000 was way much for a model in the 1940's), she wanted to help her sister, Suzy Parker, rise to fame as well. So she helped catapult Suzy's career and the joy she expressed when her little sister landed her first major contract, was also shared when Suzy overshadowed her own career and became the highest paid model for Coco Chanel and eventually far, far more popular that Dorian.
But regardless of Suzy's fame, Dorian was on the cover of some of the world's most important fashion and beauty magazines and served as a muse for many of the photographers and artists of the time. Then she became an icon for Revlon cosmetics.
Described as a woman with "intoxicating sensuality" and "sexy without saying a word", she had five failed marriages and numerous lovers...but best of all, she spoke openly and candidly about her affairs, without the fear of societal critique.
She lived a long, happy life, opened up her own modeling agency in Paris and raised five children.
Rest in peace, Ms. Dorian Leigh. In your honor, we will make it a point to buy more Revlon Make-Up.

Timeless Vixens: Be glad!

By the looks of bashful Betsy (pictured in black lingerie above) she has no idea which dress she'll be wearing to the Opera tonight. And our beloved Bridgette has arrived to the pageant without her swanky cocktail dress for the post-show soiree...

Oh no! What is a woman to do when her closet is full of fashionable fabrics and gorgeous garments but nothing seems convincing?

The answer is simple -- shop some more! But not just anywhere.

I have discovered a truly enjoyable shopping experience: a website that sells real vintage dresses from pre-1930's to the 70's. The featured pieces are so, very exquisite and intricately perfect.

As it turns out, the dealer not only sells her collection online, she posts new arrivals weekly and when asked (quite frequently, I imagine) she travels to people's homes for private sale appointments.

There are very many things I want to purchase from this website, including the mod hourglass black dress (pictured above), which sells for $370.00 or the Lilac Ruffle Chifon dress with the pink bows that is guaranteed to cause sensation anywhere. Unfortunately for us, the dress has been sold (sigh). The lucky Chanteuse purchased it for $380.00.

But be chipper - there are a multitude of great finds like a dress with sequined sparrows, a 1950's pair of blue suede spike heels, Andy Warhol inspired short dresses, Victorian beaded and metal mesh purses -- and my very favorite (besides the Couture Mariano Fortuny green silk gown): a 1960's Pauline Trigere Tweed Coat.

Check out the website ... and happy shopping!

www.timelessvixen.com

Anniversary Adventures

If you're married, you surely know life can be full of surprises: your partner doesn't care about wiping the sink after washing dishes or matching socks once they're out of the dryer or letting you have some more beauty sleep before asking for intimate pleasures. He hates to eat the same meal twice and will only eat home-made cake if the frosting is made from scratch.

Mmmmm.

Today is my one year wedding anniversary and although my sexy spouse is still sleeping (and probably dreaming about guns and beer), he's made me a very lucky woman thus far: he lets me go out with my girlfriends for martinis and music, he writes me love notes when I'm at work, he kindly donated our bedroom's walk-in closet just for me, he makes my breakfast and lunch before I go to work, he never falls asleep without showering first, he supports my love for burlesque, pinups and boudoir without seeming too interested and he protects me like a kitten but loves me like a lion.

So today, I plan on giving him a paper gift (specifically, a poster of one of his favorite movie characters), since that's what tradition indicates I should do.

And for all you ladies who want to know what gift to give your hubbies on the different anniversary years, here's the list:

1st - Paper

2nd - Cotton

3rd - Leather

4th - Fruit/Flowers

5th - Wood

6th - Candy

7th - Copper

8th - Bronze

9th - Pottery

10th - Aluminum

11th - Steel

12th - Silk

13th - Lace

14th - Ivory

15th - Crystal

20th - China

25th - Silver

30th - Pearl

35th - Coral

40th - Ruby

45th - Sapphire

50th - Gold

55th - Emerald

75th and beyond - Diamond

Have a happy day and remember: "All really great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction." Marya Mannes

Tribute to the Queen of All Berries

The Classic Strawberry Shortcake is the Queen of all things berry. Sweet, funny and cute -- she continues to inspire fashionistas of both genders and reminds us that her famous phrase, "Life is Delicious" continues to reign.

Strawberry Shortcake was originally created to grace the cover of children's greeting cards back in 1977 but a clever top executive for American Greetings, simply thought she was way too lovable to not present her to the world in bigger ways.

I personally have dedicated a corner of my room as a tribute to this fruity lifelong friend... I own a clock, an original record with her music from the cartoon, a watch, dolls and several other trinkets... and I continue collecting! (Good thing my husband doesn't mind half of the room being pink and girlie!)

Although cherries have become the most sought fruit in terms of jewelry and fashion for most pinup and rockabilly girls -- I kindly suggest we bring back the strawberry craze and here's why:

1. One cup of strawberries is only 45 calories and is an excellent source of Vitamin C and flavonoids.

2. Strawberry fruit juice can help discolored teeth.

3. Strawberry recipes can be fun, gourmet and eclectic like my favorite: Strawberry Shortcake (the dessert) with Grand Marnier Strawberry Compote and Chantilly Cream (my favorite New York City dessert), Strawberry Panachee, Strawberry Pistachio Mille-Feuillantines (a wafer delicacy) and even strawberry salsa!

3. This is a fact: the one and only classic Strawberry Shortcake character helped inspire fashion designer Roberto Cavalli (see runway models above, specifically the one on the right).

4. She also helped inspire the design of this most chic bathing suit (pictured above and sold at: www.delias.com )

5. Her group of friends include the likes of her pink cat, Custard, as well as Raspberry Tart, Huckleberry Pie, Apple Dumplin', Pie Pudding, Apricot, Raisin Cane -- and of course the villains, Sour Grapes and The Peculiar Purple Pie Man. (tasty!)

6. There's an Atari game about her, Strawberry Shortcake's Musical Match-Ups.

7. She has a savory perfume (for little girls) that we can use in an atomizer to smell even better after a strawberry bubble bath.

Cheers to the fragrant and savory red fruit -- and to character that makes it all the better: Strawberry Shortcake!

Destination: Tama City, Japan

If you've ever dreamt about meeting our favorite pink Kitty who makes us feel so warm, sweet and girlie and inspires us to anxiously await the next product - you are at the right place.

And no, I'm not talking about Sexy Siren, Ms. Kitty Baby (pictured above). The elegant enchantress and burlesque beauty certainly has a lot to make a lady feel inspired-- she is a U.S. Marine who works on fuel barges as a tankerman in Seattle, WA (meow!). She dances and poses pretty for Pinup photos and travels around the country impressing audiences with her moves and a cool band (The Aquasonics). Her tattoos include sweet sparrows, patriotic emblems and hearts (check her out www.myspace.com/misskittybaby ).

But this time, the pink Kitty we're referring to-- is none other than Japanese sensation, Kitty, (Hello Kitty's sister, see her on the tea cup right above). For those of you who love this not-so-furry feline and own stickers and pens and jewelry and charms with her face and feel like you simply can't get enough, it's time to travel to her house, in Tama City, Japan (about 30 minutes outside of Tokyo). My lover boy went there about ten years ago (Maybe that's why I always feel like a lynx when I'm with him -- ooooh). And he says it's the most exorbitant and lavishly ellaborated presentation of Kitty one could ever imagine.

In case you didn't know, Kitty's house is located in Puroland. It's Sanrio's version of Disneyland, except Puroland is much, much sweeter (and pink). There's a Cinnamon Dream Cafe, a sweet parlor, numerous restaurants, many thrill rides, a fairyland theater, boat rides lots of shops and of course, Kitty's house! Oh yeah -- and the end-of-night, goodbye show for all the guests.

There's a main street parade, a dinner show (see above) and Vivitix - a specialty boutique "for students and ladies" that sells limited edition Kitty items, like wine bottle stoppers and lacy nightgowns-- all with Kitty's face (visit the park's website: http://www.puroland.co.jp/ )

Tickets are 3,000 yen or about $25.00. Not too shabby.

But if flying to Japan is out of your budget at this time, you can always visit: http://www.hellokittyjunkie.com/ and get your daily dose of Kitty Goods.

Be cool & stay cool

Even with scorching heat -- there is one thing that can be left inside your car, or purse, or clutch -- that will never, ever, ever get hot: perfume and body spray. Yummm. I can already smell the vanilla and almond oil and rose petals and fresh peony and hydrangeas and jasmine-cinnamon combinations.

The dynamic City of Angels is experiencing wicked weather with temperatures rising to 113 degrees. Ouchie. Even a trip to the pool with our version of the Marylin Monroe vintage bathing suit, is too hot too handle. Today I just feel like going about my day wearing nothing but a fresh towel like our flirty grand dame pictured above (Gil Elvgren artwork) and to make it cooler, I would splash the towel with my all-time favorite fragrance: Lolita Lempicka (buy it now!).

Perfume has been around since the time of the Ancient Egyptians and the first fragrance ever named was Bouquet a la Marichal (Swanky!).

Today we have thousands of different brands to choose from and if you own more than 20 bottles (like myself) that makes you a deliciously smelly gal!

In any case, in order to avoid the aggravation of the hot, boiling sun kissing your soft skin as you make your way through the Farmer's Market (in search of fresh flowers), make sure to spray your body with the smelly substance. I recommend the most mainstream and easily available Victoria's Secret brand because they sell purse perfumes (like the ones pictured above) and they're affordable and sweet.

Just remember to never rub perfume because that crushes the molecules of the fragrance and ruins the scent. Just spray and go!

TV Dinner (without the microwave)

A hot dog and cream soda combo never fails to please our taste buds (and other senses too -- see the sweet senorita created by pinup artist Harry Ekman, pictured above-- she's enjoying both fast food comforts). But if you're in the mood to make a TV Dinner-feeling meal that's juicy, crunchy, perfectly salty and healthy, then you have to try Wonder Woman's Gobble, Gobble, Not-To-Much Trouble Turkey Temptation! The pasta is what takes a bit longer to prepare but in the end, you'll find it worth the wait.

Turkey:

6 Turkey Breast Cutlets

4 Tablespoons Olive Oil

2 Tablespoons Garlic Salt

2 Tablespoons Lemon Pepper

1 Tablespoon Crushed Garlic

1 Tablespoon Paprika

Pasta:

Half a box of Rotini Noodles

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

2 Bell Peppers (preferably orange), sliced

1/2 container of your favorite Spaghetti Sauce

1/2 Onion, sliced

1/2 cup Jack Cheese, shredded

Salt to Taste

Start by placing the cutlets in a bowl and mix with the olive oil, garlic salt, lemon pepper, crushed garlic and paprika. Allow to marinate for 15 minutes.

Prepare pasta as indicated on the box, boil until tender and drain. On a separate saucepan, pour olive oil and stir in bell peppers, onion slices and sauce.

Allow veggies to marinate in sauce and add salt.

Pour in the pasta, sprinkle cheese on top.

To garnish (and eat) slice a fresh cucumber and enjoy!

Farewell: Cyd Charisse

Majestic and Incredibly Dainty Dancer Cyd Charisse is no longer alive. The Pin-Up inspiration and legendary dancing diva passed away Tuesday. She was 87 years old.

Charisse is best known for her grace and classically provocative performances on the big screen as well as on stage. She sizzled and sparkled and dazzled and shimmered during the 1950's seducing audiences and thrilling gentlemen and ladies alike with her fabulous feats.

Ms. Cyd Charisse is considered "the last great Hollywood Dancer".

Born Tulla Elise Finklea, Cyd got her name from her younger brother who couldn't pronounce "sister".

She lived in Texas, California and Europe, where she starred in her last performance "Les Collants Noirs". I applaud this beautiful brunette, who was experimenting with red hair during a shoot for a musical promotion pictured at the top (and looked just as stunning). A dancer in such pink, girlie and elaborately ruche sets as the one pictured above for "Heaven" alongside Lucille Ball (Cyd is seen on the right corner), she managed to always stay perfectly elegant and refined.

She gained recognition mainly after her brilliant dance number in "Singing In The Rain".

And even if our days are rainy in memoriam -- we will always be inspired by such a classic beauty and dancing queen.

Grocery Shopping in L.A.

It is worth every penny spent on gas to drive to the Sunland Produce Market if you're looking for inexpensive, colorful, fresh and crunchy fruits and vegetables. My honey and I discovered this best kept secret in L.A. and bought bags of apricots, oranges and plums at $0.39 per pound.
We found kiwi, blackberries and peaches at $0.69 a pound and we also bought fresh Muenster, Gouda, Provolone and Swiss Cheeses for about $1.25 a pack (we ordered 1/4 of a pound each and that was more than enough!)
Being at the Sunland Market almost made me feel like we were shopping during a bygone era, like 1953 when the cost of living was more affordable and Beautiful Betty (pictured above) was so glad to go home with healthy foods, her panties dropped (oooooh...and she needed the bus driver's help to pick them up).
Other great finds at Sunland Market: a variety of different flavored Hummus, a good selection of shrimp, a Sangria stand, Wines from around the world and most recently, life-sized dolls with pretty flower dresses about 5 feet long at $19.99.
If you're in L.A. and you're hungry for fresh fruit, make sure to have $50.00 in hand and you'll get a grocery cartful-- guaranteed.
Sunland Market, 8664 Foothill Blvd. Sunland, CA 91040

The Best Breasts

Voluptuous figures have somehow become less desirable in pop culture. But don't be fooled. If you were blessed with bountiful breasts -- be delighted. A curvy lady is a foxy lady.

I believe flat chests are lovely too-- Just consult our modern geisha (pictured above) and I'm sure she'll tell you she gets just as much attention for being small and delicate as our garter-wearing doyenne (at the very top) for being sexy and provocative... but admiration aside, I found out some stimulating information regarding all-natural, non-surgical breast augmentation practices for women of all cups and sizes:

According to breast enhancement expert Priyanka Arora, massaging your breasts can facilitate the process of natural breast augmentation. And all the better if you involve your partner in the process!

Also, if you begin implementing special herbs and teas into your diet, like fenugreek, saw palmetto, Mexican wild yam, fennel, Dong Quai, Damiana and thistle the results can be big (wink)! I say this because the components create a subtle reaction, similar to that which occurs during puberty when women's breast tissue begins to grow.

There are also breast enhancement creams like St. Botanica Herbal breast cream which is actually recommended for firming your bust but it contains natural elements that guarantee enlargement. Find this and other womanly wonder products at: http://www.ayurvediccure.com/

"Her swung breasts sway like full-blown yellow Gloire de Dijon roses.

-David Herbert Lawrence

But remember, the best breasts are your breasts!

Tea-Time

It is so very important to rest everyday. I say this not because a resting moment is ideal for rejuvenation and energy as well as a tea party (we'll get to that later). I say it because if it weren't for Chinese Emperor Shen Nung, who, about 5,000 years ago decided to rest along the way to a lengthy journey, he wouldn't have discovered tea.

History has it that as he rested beneath a fruit tree, his servants boiled water (something that was done for Hygienic purposes). Once they handed him a glass of hot water, several leaves from the tree fell into his glass creating an interesting, almost refreshing taste. He loved the flavor the leaves gave the water and...tea was born!

When tea made it's way to Europe, it became a fancy drink. Victorian ladies with elaborate hats (like the one pictured above) and corset dresses prepared brunches-- all served on elegant silverware and fine china but the staple of the meal -- was the tea. So in case you're interested in practicing the effeminate tradition (men are always welcome too), here's how to throw a tea party:

1. Start out with a guest list of about 10 ladies. Create some pretty invitations with lace appliques and cursive writing. Remind the women that a mellow tea gathering is important in this age of television, Internet and video games.

2. On the day of the tea party, set up a table, preferably in the garden surrounded by flowers or in a bright living room. Decorate the table with a flowery table cloth, place settings, doilies and fresh flowers. Remember to have demitasse cups and saucers in each place.

3. At one end of the table, you set the tea kettle (it can be a really simple kettle, like the one our lingerie model above, points at, with her brassiere). Next to the tea kettle, you place sugar, milk and lemon. (Make sure you have a variety of tea so that your guests can choose what accompaniment they prefer on their tea). At the other end of the table, you place a coffee jug, also with milk and sugar next to it.

4. On the center of the table, make sure to have such treats as scones, biscotti, cinnamon cookies and fruit tarts as well as pastries like danishes, peach pie slices and chocolate cake.

Hopefully everyone will enjoy a good time and good conversation but please don't feel alone:

Strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company. ~Author Unknown

Layered Cinnamon Graham Cookie Cake

Yesssss. The piece of cake you see above, was home-made. I conjured this tasty concoction of cookies, milk, and gelatin. It was easy. It was fast and it made my lover (my husband, Super Man), love me a lot more than on any other regular dessert night. For the "berry" on top, I just sliced a small strawberry in half and...poof!...There it was, a sexy little piece of cookie cake.

And if you want to make the experience of making (notice I said 'making' not 'baking') this heavenly pastry a lot more interesting, have yourself a glass of Riesling, white grape wine from Germany (usually very affordable) and place it in a martini glass like our enchantress, the beautiful brunette pictured above. Have fun!

Ingredients:

16 - 18 Cinnamon graham cracker squares, divided

2 small envelopes unflavored gelatin (about 7g each)

2 1/2 Cups Milk (I recommend Organic Lactaid)

1 Can Sweetened Condensed Milk

2 Large eggs

2 Tablespoons Cornstarch

2 Teaspoons Vanilla Extract

LAYER half of graham crackers onto bottom of 8-in. square baking pan

WHISK gelatin and milk in medium saucepan

STIR in sweetened condensed milk, eggs, and cornstarch.

Heat over medium heat, stirring constantly for 1 minute or until thickened.

Remove from heat, stir in Vanilla.

SPOON some of the mixture over crackers in pan. Top with crackers; Cover with remaining mixture and repeat until you reach desired layers.

Garnish with strawberry and if you have it, chocolate syrup!

Goodbye Ikea, Hello Alexis!

Just when you thought you wouldn't ever find the right gaudy-looking silver clock to place above your jewelry armoire -- or the perfect pin-up life-sized cutout (pictured above) to go in your living room, next to your Gil Elvgren Book Collection... and right when you had given up on finding a set of 50's glasses to amuse your guests during your next femme fatale soiree, I have great news for you!

His name is Alexis, a cutesy L.A guy who travels around to different thrift/vintage/antique shops and buys the best, most classic pieces anyone could ever find. Then he goes home, takes pictures of them and posts them on his simple, yet easy to follow website (which is actually a Kodak picture gallery): http://www.thisisnotikea.com/

His prices are very reasonable, our blonde bikini-bound bombshell (pictured above) for example, goes for $80.00...
There are vintage posters, like my favorite, a movie poster of L'Ammaliatrice starring Marilyn Dietrich that sells for $120.

If you want rare cocktail tables, antiquated lamps, Victorian-looking chairs or even an alarm clock from the 50's that still works,check out the website. Have fun!

Sugar Plum Sweetness

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky probably never imagined that his symphonies would one day become some of the world's most performed ballets.
During the time he wrote what some consider his finest compositions, The Fourth Symphony and the opera Eugene Onegin, Tchaikovsky was dealing with the pains of being married to a woman while having sexual fantasies and encounters with men.

Nevertheless, the fine Russian composer created the sheet music for the Nutcracker and that's all that matters right now because if it weren't for the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, life wouldn't be so delicious (note our delightful pin-up ballerina pictured above, who waits for the candy cue). The song itself is mystical and intriguing, it's puzzling yet magical and the lyrics so tantalizing:

See the candy fairies, sugar-plums, jelly-beans, chocolate bars,

Dance the minuet,

With the candied cherries, lolly-pops, peppermints, candy-canes,

As they pirouette,

See the FAIRY PRINCESS curtsying, gracefully, beautifully,

Swaying to the tune...

Music in the air (so entrancing)

Flowers in her hair (as she's dancing)

Love is everywhere (Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h)

'Neath the yellow lemon-drop moon.

(SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY DANCES)

There she goes now, on her toes now,

To her yellow lemon-drop moon.

So next December, make sure to ask your sweet honey to purchase tickets for the Nutcracker. And before leaving, shine your lips with your favorite Lorac Mocktail flavored Lip gloss available at www.beauty.com. You may also want to have a glass of French Petit-Vedrines Sauternes dessert wine while you listen to a glimpse of what's to come: http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/nutcracker.htm

The Scoop on Place Settings

Imagine this: A lush garden, an elegant table set-up, fresh tulips in a crystal vase, wonderful people and your partner-- holding your arm as you walk around in a cream-colored skirt-suit, with wrist-length gloves, a gold beaded clutch and a delicate hat. You sit down at the table, it's decorated with soft fabrics and fine linen, lavish china and silver flatware. The waitstaff comes to you and hands you the menu. You peruse through it and opt for the Foie Gras and Caviar Gueridon ... but all of a sudden, you don't feel like ordering because in a table surrounded by wellborn aristocrats, you've suddenly forgotten which utensils to use once your dinner arrives.

Fortunately, this will never happen! And just to reassure you of that, here's the essence of elegant eating:

1. After unfolding the dinner napkin and graciously placing it on your lap, it's good to tell your date what you want so that he can place both orders.

2. When it comes to silverware, remember to "work your way in":

Utensils are placed about one inch from the edge of the table, each one lining up at the base with the one next to it. The ones on the outermost position are used first (see diagram above).

The glasses are positioned about an inch from the knives, usually in the order of use: white wine, red wine, dessert wine, and water tumbler.

3. Take small, bite-size pieces of your perfectly small portion-sized dinner, chewing carefully with your mouth closed. Avoid talking while you're chewing.

4. Once you are done, gently tap your napkin over your lips, wiping away any wine sauce residue. Then place the napkin in front of you. The waiter will know you're done.

Bon Appetit!

The Dish on Douche

Women of the world-- think twice before douching. Don't let fears and curiosity drive you to the "feminine care" aisle and grab the first box of Massengill or Summer's Eve Douche that you see. Douching (which means 'to shower' in French) is a process of rinsing the vagina by forcing a watery solution into the vaginal cavity to flush away discharge or other contents. In theory (and in writing, as stated in the above pictured 1950's Ad), douching is a great idea. But in practice, it's simply an awful thing to do to your body. Here's Why:

1. Douching may reduce a woman's chance of becoming pregnant by approximately thirty percent.
2. It changes the delicate chemical balance of the vagina and can make a woman more susceptible to infections. 3. Douching can introduce new bacteria into the vagina which can spread up through the cervix, uterus, and fallopian tubes, causing irritations and infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and an increased number of sexually transmitted diseases. 4. Regular douche users face a 73% greater risk of developing pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) -- a serious condition that can lead to infertility, or even death, if untreated.

So there you have it, coquettish dames. If you must cleanse your body after a night of playful intimacy -- I have a great alternative: A Sitz bath. Here's What you do:
Fill a shallow tub (just to the hip) with warm water, then add salt (enough to make the water taste salty, about 1/2 cup) to match the body's natural saline state.

Or instead of salt, you can Add vinegar (1/2 cup) to help rebalance the vaginal pH to 4.5
You sit in the water, knees apart, until it gets cool. The bath will do the cleansing.